rebelnijamaster

I haven't been here in a while and I don't now if that's going to change. I want to try to get back here and see all the cool stuff you guys are producing and working on, but life is hella busy these days! A lot has changed since my last posting here. So, I guess some life updates are in order? I'm going to break this down as in order as I can. This year has been one of the most incredible of my life which has been such a fantastic change:

Back in May, my family took a much needed vacation to Walt Disney World. We had been there before but it had been 17 years. Thanks to the twenty-first century, this trip eventually lead to what looks like is going to be my first semi-professional publication. This will also turn into a somewhat regular thing for me. Like anyone of my generation, I was sharing photos of the trip on my Instagram (my handle is rebel17 if anyone cares) and it lead to a WDW fan account liking the photo. After returning home I was trying to track down a link to a podcast I wanted to listen to (turns out it was another account entirely that had the podcast) and I found the account that had liked one of my photos. In their bio, they had a blip asking for writers for the website once it launches. I wasted no time getting in touch with the owner to see if they still wanted writers. Anyway, long story short, once I get a few more revisions/drafts down I'll be submitting my first essay to them. The site hasn't launched quite yet, but the forums are hopping. If you are interested, it's wdwkingdomeforum.com

Moving out of my parents' house this past June fell through about week before leases where to be signed. That, too, is a bit of a long story, but  basically what happened was one of my roommates-to-be's company took a pretty big hit which resulted in a massive hours cut for her. We had decided to wait until now to start the moving out process again, but something else major happened in my life that basically took this off the table for me.

In my last journal, I mentioned a really good friend of mine who helped me get back into writing. He's in the military and was in town back at the end of July. We were hanging out downtown one evening and at the end he walked me back to my car, like he always does. While we were saying goodbye I found myself thinking "I think he's going to kiss me." and then he didn't. He made a comment that he really had wanted to kiss me but knew we were just friends and didn't want to cross any boundaries. I respected him for that. He then said he was curious as to what I would have done if he had kissed me. For once in my life, I had a non-passive moment in my life and responded by kissing him. We started dating that night. Six weeks later, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Yes, it was only six weeks of dating, but he and I have been friends for over six years which is why I was more than okay with how fast this moved. We are hoping to get married in October.

My fiancee and I are long distance which really sucks. Because of this we decided to meet up in Chicago over Columbus Day Weekend. That was a fantastic weekend, just the two of us. However, when I got home from the trip I went to work the next day to find out I was being fired. Part of me feels like it came out of the blue, another part of me knows the writing was on the wall - I mean, about two weeks before going to Chicago, I had had a HUGE offage on my drawer that never resolved itself. But, in the shock of it all, I was at peace with it. As odd as this may sound, losing my job was one of the best things to happen to me this year. I found a new job within two weeks as an optemetric technician (aka the jerk who puffs your eye with air at the eye exam, LOL!). I didn't realize just how stressed out I was in banking until I no longer was in banking. I love being a trained monkey again. I feel like I've connected so much better with my coworkers at this job, which I've only been at for two months, than I ever did with my coworkers at the bank, a place I worked at for over a year. It was one of the best changes I think could have happened to me.

I think that's been about it since I was last lurking around this site. Hopefully I'll begin to be more active. I do miss this place from time to time.

What have all you awesome people been up to?

So, it's been a while since I've posted much on here. I want to start posting more - it's just hard finding the time to write or even do any sort of photography right now. Working full time and focusing on my novel has been rather time consuming, but it's been good.

Since my last journal posting over six months ago, a lot has happened. For one thing, exactly two months from today I'll finally be moving out of my parents' home and into my own apartment. I'm really looking forward to it! I'll be living with two of my best friends who are more like sisters to me which is awesome.

Work is going well. My manager is helping me work towards becoming a Finical Service Representation. I even opened an account this past Friday. Admittedly, it could have gone a lot better but it could have also gone a lot worse. Hey, I'm still learning, but it's going good.

I've gotten back into my writing. It hasn't been as much as I want lately, but to some extent, that's to be expected with getting everything in order to move out. Still, I'm really grateful for a super great friend. He and I reconnected over last summer and when he was back in town over Christmas we made a, I guess you could say, pact to get back into writing. With him being in the Navy he hasn't been able to do as much writing as I have, but with each of us calling each other every couple of weeks it's sort of held some accountability for me. I know he's going to ask about how my writing is going and I like being able to give him good reports. It was hard at first to get back into it, but over the last couple of months I've come to realize that I really enjoy writing again. At first it felt awkward and strange and I was wondering if I had lost my passion for it, but lately, it's been like returning to an old love. I'm back in my writing and things are good.

Truthfully, I think I have a ways to go to get back to where I once was and where I want to be, but things are going well and seems like things are finally starting to fall into place for once (I just hope this isn't a case where the other shoe falls - like it did about this time last year...).

Other than all that, I'm heading to Disney World in about two weeks for a family vacation. It's going to be a lot of fun! It's also the first major trip that I've been able to pay for completely out of my own pocket. Hopefully I'll be able to update you all on the trip once I get back.

So, if anyone is still watching me, what have you all be up to?

The title feels very appropriate for me. As you probably know, I've transferred branches at the bank I work at. I went from working at the busiest branch in the city to the slowest. This has allowed a lot of time for me to think during the day. Being a teller doesn't require a whole lot of work when the customer isn't right in front of me (sure someone might need to order checks or an address update, but really those are simple tasks that for the most part can be taken care of in less than five minutes after the customer has left). And I came to a decision today: I need too and want too to start throwing myself into my writing as much as I can.

*hears a crowd wondering "wait, I thought that's what you've been doing!"*

To an extent yes, that's what I've been half-assing in the last few years. But what I mean is that I really want to start pursuing this as if it were my career - which I want it to be - and treating it like one. I'm tired of talking about how my dream job is to write. I'm tired of talking about my writing instead of actually sitting down and doing it. I'm tired of just talking about writing and how I hoped to be published one day. I'm tired of just talking, it's time to start doing.

Several things have influenced this decision over the last week, really. I made the deadline for the magazine that I mentioned in my last journal, albeit, by the skin of my teeth. However, this past Tuesday I got word that they were passing on my story. Which has been "the story of my life" (yes, a pun is intended). I did procrastinate on this severally and I think that might have been my downfall with this one. I did manage to get a new computer which is nice and helpful, but I still procrastinated when I basically had no excuse.

Also, tomorrow, my best friend innocent-rebel is going to be in her first comic con. I'm really excited for her and super proud of her! She's starting to launch her dream career and it has inspired me to start trying to launch mine. It's inspired me to give it my all, to throw myself headlong into this crazy dream I started dreaming sometime around my sophomore or junior year of high school. It's time to let go and head out.

I think another influential event in this decision is that a week from Monday, I'll be turning the big two five! To be honest, when I turned 20 I figured I'd have something published by now (but then again I was also at a poopy community college and I had zero understanding of the publishing beast). But, even with that said, I know I could have had something published if I hadn't procrastinated as much as I have. I want to have a legitimate writing career by the time my 30th birthday rolls around. I need to do this for me. Friends are launching their careers - traditional and nontraditional alike - and I feel like it's time for me to start doing so myself.

With that being said it has come to this: I don't know how much I'll be around dA anymore. It's time to start focusing. When I first joined this site in my mid-teens, I had no idea it'd take to me to where I am. I've had so many friends on this site and many have given me good feedback, but dA has seemed to come into an age where it seems really difficult to get any feedback anymore. Maybe it's me that's just not getting it, maybe it's the site and group system or maybe it's something else. I'm not saying I won't be posting on here anymore nor am I saying that I'm leaving. I'm just not sure how much I'm really going to be here anymore. I have something like 275 some messages to get caught up on (it was 1,175 before I deleted all the group stuff...) so I'm hoping to do that and give feedback. But, I just feel like this site isn't meeting my needs anymore and it does distract me from what I need to be focusing on. So, like I said, I'm not leaving, I'm just going to be around less. Just like Mr. Bilbo Baggins never intended to leave Shire permanently, I won't be leaving here. I just need to go out and have my adventure.

So it's been about two months since I last posted an actual journal here. Things are finally good, mostly thanks to modern medicine. I still have things to do in regard to my mental health before everything settles down and I'll have a better idea of how to go about all that come Tuesday.

My new job is going great. I'm getting more and more comfortable in the teller position. It's a lot to learn and I now understand why it's a 6 month training period for this job. But I'm really liking it. I love the hours (even when I have to be up uber early to open; it's much better than being up uber late because I had close) and it's nice to actually work a full 40 hours each week. Also, this past Monday I got a call from my manager (she was a  different branch that day) saying she had some exciting but sad news. A permanent position has opened up at another branch! When I was hired on, I was hired as a "float teller" meaning I had my home branch (the one I've been mainly working at) but I would float between the three branches in my city covering when people were out of town or sick. A month and a half in, someone gave their two weeks and I start at that branch on the 31st. It's bittersweet - I've made some great friends - but it'll be nice to have an actual "home" so to speak. I'll meet everyone at this new branch on Tuesday when I go to get everything in order there (and I'll talk to my new manager about what I need to do so I can finally get everything as it should be).

I also want to write again. Unfortunately, my laptop is on it's last leg and I can no longer print from it (it just doesn't want to communicate with the printer...). I still try to write, but it's really frustrating that there's a new literary magazine launching this January and they're currently reading for it. It's a legit place - they also pay for stories (an excellent sign that they're legit). I have a short story that I want to do another draft of, as well as totally change the ending (I feel like Happy Heather should end the story on a happy note!), but the way I like to revise is to print off a hard copy and mark it up. This sucks that I can't print, but hopefully tonight my brother and I are going to Best Buy and he's going to help me figure out what the hell I need in a new computer (this is all assuming he doesn't blow me off...). So, hopefully this will work out. I'll keep you all posted on this potential publication opportunity that I'll hopefully NOT miss out on.

Other than that, not really whole lot is going on. I've been a tad frustrated mostly because - well, long story short - the guy I was seeing earlier this year ghosted me back in April. I've reread texts and thought through our last few times together and it really doesn't make sense about what happened. I've decided I'm going to call him one more time and just try to figure this out (it's actually the second time in the last two years I've been ghosted - the first time makes some sense, I knew he was pulling away, but this one doesn't). I also think I deserve a goodbye and damn it! I'm going to do what I can get that goodbye! But that's not what really has me frustrated, I'm frustrated because it's one of those rare times in my life words escape me. I just don't know what to say at this moment and I've been trying to figure it out. That's what's frustrated me. But at the same time, I'm glad to know I'm in a good mindset and things won't destroy me anymore.

So, how are you all doing? How's life? I'm going to try to get caught up on the insanity that is my inbox here soon!!