The title feels very appropriate for me. As you probably know, I've transferred branches at the bank I work at. I went from working at the busiest branch in the city to the slowest. This has allowed a lot of time for me to think during the day. Being a teller doesn't require a whole lot of work when the customer isn't right in front of me (sure someone might need to order checks or an address update, but really those are simple tasks that for the most part can be taken care of in less than five minutes after the customer has left). And I came to a decision today: I need too and want too to start throwing myself into my writing as much as I can.
*hears a crowd wondering "wait, I thought that's what you've been doing!"*
To an extent yes, that's what I've been half-assing in the last few years. But what I mean is that I really want to start pursuing this as if it were my career - which I want it to be - and treating it like one. I'm tired of talking about how my dream job is to write. I'm tired of talking about my writing instead of actually sitting down and doing it. I'm tired of just talking about writing and how I hoped to be published one day. I'm tired of just talking, it's time to start doing.
Several things have influenced this decision over the last week, really. I made the deadline for the magazine that I mentioned in my last journal, albeit, by the skin of my teeth. However, this past Tuesday I got word that they were passing on my story. Which has been "the story of my life" (yes, a pun is intended). I did procrastinate on this severally and I think that might have been my downfall with this one. I did manage to get a new computer which is nice and helpful, but I still procrastinated when I basically had no excuse.
Also, tomorrow, my best friend innocent-rebel is going to be in her first comic con. I'm really excited for her and super proud of her! She's starting to launch her dream career and it has inspired me to start trying to launch mine. It's inspired me to give it my all, to throw myself headlong into this crazy dream I started dreaming sometime around my sophomore or junior year of high school. It's time to let go and head out.
I think another influential event in this decision is that a week from Monday, I'll be turning the big two five! To be honest, when I turned 20 I figured I'd have something published by now (but then again I was also at a poopy community college and I had zero understanding of the publishing beast). But, even with that said, I know I could have had something published if I hadn't procrastinated as much as I have. I want to have a legitimate writing career by the time my 30th birthday rolls around. I need to do this for me. Friends are launching their careers - traditional and nontraditional alike - and I feel like it's time for me to start doing so myself.
With that being said it has come to this: I don't know how much I'll be around dA anymore. It's time to start focusing. When I first joined this site in my mid-teens, I had no idea it'd take to me to where I am. I've had so many friends on this site and many have given me good feedback, but dA has seemed to come into an age where it seems really difficult to get any feedback anymore. Maybe it's me that's just not getting it, maybe it's the site and group system or maybe it's something else. I'm not saying I won't be posting on here anymore nor am I saying that I'm leaving. I'm just not sure how much I'm really going to be here anymore. I have something like 275 some messages to get caught up on (it was 1,175 before I deleted all the group stuff...) so I'm hoping to do that and give feedback. But, I just feel like this site isn't meeting my needs anymore and it does distract me from what I need to be focusing on. So, like I said, I'm not leaving, I'm just going to be around less. Just like Mr. Bilbo Baggins never intended to leave Shire permanently, I won't be leaving here. I just need to go out and have my adventure.